Wife 101

A Monthly Column By: Richele McFarlin

Each month we will explore Biblical wives and how we can learn from them and the trials, victories, and experiences that they faced.

Got a Hammer? I Have Another Wall to Tear Down

Home construction is an area that I will soon become an expert in. I am always in the process of building and tearing down walls. Now before you think you will find me in the dry wall aisle at the local Home Depot, let me explain these walls are not physical walls. The walls I speak of are the ones holding up my marriage and home life. The bible teaches us in Proverbs 14:1, “Every wise woman buildeth her house: but the foolish plucketh it down with her hands.” So, we women are home builders. That is quite a job! Although this verse can relate to family life in general, I would like to focus on marriage. I am not sure about you but for me the state of my home reflects my mood and my spirituality. My mood and spirituality affects my marriage.

During a state of disorganization with dirty dishes in the sink, baby food stains on my clothes, play dough stuck in the carpet, meat trying to desperately defrost ten minutes before dinner, and hair in a messy pony tail, I tend to lose perspective. Suddenly my husband goes from the love of my life and an awesome provider to a lazy, do nothing, never around dud just as fast as Clark Kent changes into Superman. This is the attitude that hits my husband like a Mac truck as soon as he walks in the door after a long hard day at work. It is no surprise that a fight too ridiculous to even admit to entertaining ensues. We then spend the evening having a quiet dinner and watching TV with ourselves. This ends the evening and begins the morning since each party has too much pride at stake to give the other a break. It is now of matter of just stewing and then pretending this never happened until the next time.

Can you see where that evening went wrong? Can you see that even the tiniest disrespectful attitude can erode at a marriage? Marriages do not fall on simple issues but the decent begins with the smallest hint of selfishness and disrespect. When we begin to forget that we are on the same side we begin to feel isolated, unappreciated and frustrated. Those are feelings that build up in our marriage like a poison builds up in our body.

This does not mean that a wife holds sole responsibility for the health and well being of a marriage. However, we can only change our own attitudes. We need to face our failings and take ownership of our flaws. A wife tears down the walls of her marriage each time she allows herself to disrespect her husband based on her own frustration or disorganization. Your husband cannot be held responsible for the dirty dishes and play dough on the carpet while he has been working any more than you can be responsible for his duties at work. Instead of allowing the frustrations of the day to rule our attitudes or cause us to blame the other person, we need to see each other as a haven. You should feel like your husband walking through the door is like the desert experiencing rain. Greet him at the door with appreciation for the time he puts in at work. Smile! Build the walls of your marriage on teamwork, love, respect, admiration and a sense that the two of you are on this life’s journey together. I promise that he will join you by adding bricks to that wall! You may have had a bad day. Allow that to remind you that he also experiences bad days. So instead of having a quiet dinner because you can’t yell and swallow at the same time, have a quiet dinner embracing the peace of mind you bring each other. If you husband becomes that relaxing element in your life like chocolate is you may even loose a few pounds and how great would that be? !

Copyright © Richele McFarlin, Wives of Faith

Wife 101